Church picnic 7-30-06

Our church had their annual picnic last week and the kids had a really good time. Harley set up shop and was in charge of face painting and tattoos. Joe showed everyone up on the pogo stick and a pair of stilts. Which I couldn't even balance let alone walk all over the place. Logan and Evan had lots of fun running around and playing with the other kids. They had gifts for the kids. As you can see Evan (above) he quite enjoyed his ball. That is until he went head first on the cement. He will be just fine. Just a little scrape on the forehead. One would think that would be enough to make you want to stop but no that is not the case. Evan loves to balance on the ball. Fun game !! I believe we are going to have another fearless wonder in the family. Boys will be boys I guess. There is never a dull moment in our house.

Innocence soon to be lost!

Hello everyone, Look who's back. Can you believe it?

I know it has been a long time since I was here last but extra time to a working mother of four is like a bad joke. I am writing today at work while trying to scarf down lunch. Something happened last night made me start thinking.. Not that I don't normally think, it's just usually about the ten thousand lists I have floating in my head of what else needs to be done. Anyway, Logan who is four by the way. Can you believe that? Where or where does the time go?

Back to the story... Logan while getting ready for bed last night was just finishing up in the bathroom. Standing on the little stool in front of the sink so like the big girl that she is can wash hands and brush her teeth all on her own, had just turned off the running water, dried her hands and joyfully leaped off the stool. Well, in a matter of a split second the laughter and joy turned into whales of pain. She tripped and hit the chair that sits also in the bathroom. She hit the rounded edge of the seat. Luckily it was not bad. ( To the adults if it is not a trip to the ER it is rated mild) Logan on the other hand thought it was a earth stopping event.

After a few minutes we had her set-up on the couch with an ice pack and watching some well deserved TV. Evan her little brother(almost two) who most of the time is trying to either hit, bite or pinch his sister is showering her with kisses and hugs. Ahhh how cute.

Later, Logan asked for a band-aid. Sure no problem, we have to find a small one because we have to put it on her face right next to her nose. She looks soo funny... But she loves it because it is one of her new Dora band-aids... Lucky her. She is laughing and joking around about how silly she looks.The tears are long gone. Down to find daddy to tell him to look at her silly face. They joke around and of course daddy doesn't see anything strange or different about her face.They joke for a minute or two and then yes daddy does recognize the silly Dora band-aid.

How much longer do we get to enjoy the fun banter of innocent jokes and laughs? The kids today seem to grow up so fast no matter what we try to do. I just want to hang onto that for as long as I can. These are the thoughts that make me smile while I am at work. It keeps me going on the days that I really don't want to be here. It's the look at daddy when he says "I don't see anything different on your face." And the (he finally gets it) expression on her face when he says " Oh now I see it !!"

Enjoy the simple little moments while you can. They will be gone before you know it.

Back to work.

Guess who went back to work on Monday? That's right John did. Can everyone say yea!! Well, after a long serious of tests, Dr. Appointments and a sleep study the answer is the same. "We don't really know, but this is what we think happened." John possibly had a blood clot in his heart which did not allow blood to circulate through which caused him to lose conscience's, from the fall he received a concussion. He does have a mild case of sleep apnea and will soon be receiving a sleeping machine. That ought to spice up our love life. !!! His shoulders are still a mess and cause him a great deal of pain. The doctors advice was to lose some weight and start exercising. If in fact is was a blood clot we are very lucky that he is still with us. Very scary. What prevents it to happen again? Nothing, because no one is sure what happened. I tend to over worry anyway this does not help. I think about it often. I wake up at night and sometimes can't breath in fear something is wrong, but I reach over and feel him next to me and can tell he is breathing just fine and then I can fall back to sleep. In our lives we go through a journey looking for that special person our soul mate and to come close to losing that person scares you to death. I can not imagine living without him even for a day. Sometimes I forget but I try to thank GOD everyday that we have each other because we all know there are no guarantees. So even though we argue I love him very much. I would like to take all his pain and carry that burden for him for the rest of my life. I often wonder what can I do? I have started changing his diet and I buy better foods that are in the house. I quit buying the twinkies and ho ho's. And of course love him .
So far he is doing just fine and it is almost Friday. !! Good Job honey.

Look who's walking !!

Little man is determined to be walking by his birthday which is the 23rd of this month. Can you believe it? Time sure does fly. This is a request for everyone reading this. Take the time to slow down and enjoy the moment because before you know it You'll be saying "remember when" Any way, Evan is trying so hard to walk. He sometimes forgets that he can't and just lets go of things. On Monday he took a total of 3 steps without any help from anyone. Logan said he took 3 because she was 3 and he was walking to her. Which she welcomed him with open arms and lots of kisses that he would have rather not received as he usually pushes her away. But that's alright because it does not stop her. She always showers him with kisses and hugs. Yesterday, he made 7 steps on his own. And Logan is so excited, she just can't wait. I believe she has big plans for the two of them. I call them my partners in crime. They already get into things, I can only imagine what it will be like when they both are completely mobile. The Gray household will never be the same. It is amazing all the things he has learned in the past year. Holding up his head, rolling over, sitting up, crawling and now walking. If only as adults we could put that much effort into doing things without giving up. Maybe that iswhy most of the things we learn are done in the first few years in life. When we get older we give up way to easy. With Evan's determination will be what gets him walking by August 23rd 2005. Isn't it amazing that such a little person can be part of your life for such a short amount of time that you can't imagine what it was before him or what it would be like with out him. But watching him as he looks at me with those big brown eyes full of sparkle that says MOM look what I can do and the look of satisfaction on his face as he walks to me and lands in my arms. I can not express the emotions that fill me at that moment. As an only child I could not imagine being able to have enough room in my heart to love so many and so much, but your heart just swells and takes it all in, so that it is ready to bust at any moment but then it finds more room some how. I know no matter how many children a person has whether it is one or fifty our hearts would be big enough for each and everyone.

John in the ER on June 10-th 2005

FEAR

Here I am again. Wow it has been awhile. Things have been really crazy at the Gray household over the past month or so.

In the wee hours of morning on June 10th the morning of our daughters 10th birthday party/ sleep over the most terrifying thing happened. I woke up and noticed John was not in bed with me. I did not think too much about it because sometimes he has trouble sleeping and gets up or goes to the bathroom. I drifted off back to sleep. Again, I woke up and he was not back yet. In my hazy state not knowing if it had been 5 minutes or an hour but something told me this was not right. So I left Evan in bed (we have a family bed) and went to look for John. To my horror I found him face down passed out on the bathroom floor. Not knowing really what to do. All my safety and CPR training went out the door. I tried to wake him. Again fear gripped my when I could not get him to wake up. Now what, I had to get the baby because now he is up and crying. I am again at my husband’s side trying to bring him to. John, John can you hear me?? Several cries and tries he finally starts to make some noises. But I can not understand him he is slurring his words and not making any sense. Oh no has he had a stroke or heart attack? Do you know who I am? Do you know where you are? Nothing!! Again he slips in and out. Crying hysterically what do I do? Again I go to my husband’s side this time he is talking but still not making any sense then he says I feel like being sick. I get him to the bathroom sink and then to the bed. I run down stairs and get Joe up and ask him to help me. Quickly he says "Mom call 911 " So I do so, while I am on the phone Joe takes our cell phone and calls grandma and says get here quick. By this time John is waking up and making more sense except for he remembers nothing and wants to know what is going on. He also wants to go back to sleep not sure why I am so frantic. 911 operators say do not let him go to sleep. I go to check in the bathroom to check things out there and where he way laying on the floor is a pool of blood also in the sink he was sick in. Again fear has taken away any logical thinking I could have. Thank goodness the other girls did not hear any of this and are still sleeping. Joe is now outside waiting to flag down the ambulance drivers so that they do not miss the house. By this time John is up and asking what is going on. Oh and I forgot to mention that His face and shoulders look like he had been beaten with a baseball bat. His eyes were bloody red where the whites are suppose to be. I have never known fear like that ever in my entire life. We spent most of the day back and forth between home and the ER. He spent several days in Southwest where they transferred him from EMH. And a month later we still do not know what happened all tests seem to come back ok. He is still out of work and keeps trying to get better. Sometime during his fall he injured his shoulders and has not been able to raise them or hold anything over a pound. I am thankful that he is alive and doing well. I would really like to know what happened so that we can fix it. For a long time I was afraid to close my eyes knowing it could and can happen again. How long had he been laying there before I got up to check. He could have died. I just can’t imagine my life with out him. We have dreams of growing old together as all married couples do. I want to nag him until I am 100+ years.

FIRST DATE

I don't think I can even remember my first date. Can you? Was is with a group of friends or just the two of you? Who was your first boyfriend/girlfriend? Do you ever talk to them, or did you really love them and are happily married now? These questions come to mind as Joe (14) asks me to take him to the movies on Friday to meet his girlfriend and some of their friends. Scary !! This girl has turned my son (who can not say more than two words at a time) into the boy that has a phone attached to his ear 24/7. He can't tell me anything about his day but can talk to her for hours in the evening. It has happened, he is a teenager with a girlfriend. And it is very scary in the times we live in. Have you read the newspapers or listened to the news. A first date dilemma kiss or not to kiss is not what these kids are thinking about. I am having trouble enough adjusting to the fact that my little boy has another female in his life. Is he going to get his heart broken or will he be doing the breaking of the hearts. Do I buy him condoms or keep teaching him to wait and hope that he makes the right choice? How much do I talk to him about the
S E X word? How much does he know? Or can he tell me things that will make me blush? Someone at work has told me that she is going to be a grandmother and her son is a senior in high school. I do not want to be a grandmother, I am still trying to raise my kids. Fear it takes over your thoughts during the moment when you hear "mom, I have a date can you take me and pick me up" What to do? I hope and pray that the things we as parents have said over and over again to our children some of it has actually sunk into their heads somewhere. The fact that disease and babies are things you want to stay away from have been shown to be an actual threat and not something they use as a scare ploy in health class. And what kind of girl is this girlfriend? What kind of home does she come from, what are her parents like and what have they told her? Wait or have they gone our and put their daughter on birth control for just in case. These are the things that ran past my mind last night as my son and I tried to pick out a movie for him to go see tonight on his date. Or maybe I am over thinking the whole thing and he sees it as a group of friends getting together and just hanging out. I even have thought about going and watching from a few seats behind them. But that is not the kind of parent I want to be. So my hope that my son knows our views and have learned from them. Oh the days of playing with hot wheels and thinking girls have cutties.

Little black bag

As a working full time nursing mom my best friend for the first year of Evans life is my little black bag. For those who do not know what is inside I'll tell you. It is my Madella in style breastpump. I do not leave the house without it Monday thru Friday. It comes with much responsibility. I no longer get to enjoy lunch breaks with the rest of my co-workers but instead gulp down lunch in about ten minutes after spending 15-20 minutes pumping in a little room in the back of the building with a complimentary "Do not disturb" sign given by my employer. Thank you Eaton. Along with that I spend my two 10 minute breaks one in the morning and one in the afternoon doing the same thing. Pumping. I am very grateful that I work for a company that allows and provides a nice clean and private place for me to do this. Not all companies do. Thanks again to Eaton. I wash bottles and pumping parts in the dishwasher and parts for the most part, are all over the kitchen. Thanks goes to my husband and kids for their understanding and the ability to ignore. Logan who just turned 3 thinks that pumping is ever so cool. She will give me an update on the process. "Almost full" I hear from her. And she is well aware that this is her little brothers main source of food. Does it sound like a lot of work? Well, it is but when you look at how healthy Evan looks there is no other answer for me. I find it amazing that my body can produce a food that sustains his little life and gives him what he needs. He is turning 8 months old in a couple of days and 1 year is just around the corner and I will be bag free! I will be able to be gone out of the house for more than 4 hours without worrying about getting home to feed or pump. Did I mention Evan is also cutting teeth? He has two on the bottom and they are very sharp. Ouch!!! Luckily he is not a biter. I also will no longer have to endure the moo sounds coming from the next desk over at work. The ladies are real understanding, one of them went out and bought a cute little cow toy. Stress reliever I thought for those really tough days. But, no that is not what it is for. The other day I got up from my seat and grabbed my little black bag and said I will be right back and then I heard it.. A moo coming from my desk area. On my seat when I came back was a little black and white cow. Now every time I get up that cute little cow goes MOO !!!! Now everyone knows where I am going and what I am doing. At least for another 4 months. I know I should be rejoicing in the fact that it is almost over. But he is my last and I want to enjoy every last bit of it. Or even bite of it. Soon he will be running around the house chasing and fighting with his siblings. Where or where does the time go?