FIRST DATE

I don't think I can even remember my first date. Can you? Was is with a group of friends or just the two of you? Who was your first boyfriend/girlfriend? Do you ever talk to them, or did you really love them and are happily married now? These questions come to mind as Joe (14) asks me to take him to the movies on Friday to meet his girlfriend and some of their friends. Scary !! This girl has turned my son (who can not say more than two words at a time) into the boy that has a phone attached to his ear 24/7. He can't tell me anything about his day but can talk to her for hours in the evening. It has happened, he is a teenager with a girlfriend. And it is very scary in the times we live in. Have you read the newspapers or listened to the news. A first date dilemma kiss or not to kiss is not what these kids are thinking about. I am having trouble enough adjusting to the fact that my little boy has another female in his life. Is he going to get his heart broken or will he be doing the breaking of the hearts. Do I buy him condoms or keep teaching him to wait and hope that he makes the right choice? How much do I talk to him about the
S E X word? How much does he know? Or can he tell me things that will make me blush? Someone at work has told me that she is going to be a grandmother and her son is a senior in high school. I do not want to be a grandmother, I am still trying to raise my kids. Fear it takes over your thoughts during the moment when you hear "mom, I have a date can you take me and pick me up" What to do? I hope and pray that the things we as parents have said over and over again to our children some of it has actually sunk into their heads somewhere. The fact that disease and babies are things you want to stay away from have been shown to be an actual threat and not something they use as a scare ploy in health class. And what kind of girl is this girlfriend? What kind of home does she come from, what are her parents like and what have they told her? Wait or have they gone our and put their daughter on birth control for just in case. These are the things that ran past my mind last night as my son and I tried to pick out a movie for him to go see tonight on his date. Or maybe I am over thinking the whole thing and he sees it as a group of friends getting together and just hanging out. I even have thought about going and watching from a few seats behind them. But that is not the kind of parent I want to be. So my hope that my son knows our views and have learned from them. Oh the days of playing with hot wheels and thinking girls have cutties.

Little black bag

As a working full time nursing mom my best friend for the first year of Evans life is my little black bag. For those who do not know what is inside I'll tell you. It is my Madella in style breastpump. I do not leave the house without it Monday thru Friday. It comes with much responsibility. I no longer get to enjoy lunch breaks with the rest of my co-workers but instead gulp down lunch in about ten minutes after spending 15-20 minutes pumping in a little room in the back of the building with a complimentary "Do not disturb" sign given by my employer. Thank you Eaton. Along with that I spend my two 10 minute breaks one in the morning and one in the afternoon doing the same thing. Pumping. I am very grateful that I work for a company that allows and provides a nice clean and private place for me to do this. Not all companies do. Thanks again to Eaton. I wash bottles and pumping parts in the dishwasher and parts for the most part, are all over the kitchen. Thanks goes to my husband and kids for their understanding and the ability to ignore. Logan who just turned 3 thinks that pumping is ever so cool. She will give me an update on the process. "Almost full" I hear from her. And she is well aware that this is her little brothers main source of food. Does it sound like a lot of work? Well, it is but when you look at how healthy Evan looks there is no other answer for me. I find it amazing that my body can produce a food that sustains his little life and gives him what he needs. He is turning 8 months old in a couple of days and 1 year is just around the corner and I will be bag free! I will be able to be gone out of the house for more than 4 hours without worrying about getting home to feed or pump. Did I mention Evan is also cutting teeth? He has two on the bottom and they are very sharp. Ouch!!! Luckily he is not a biter. I also will no longer have to endure the moo sounds coming from the next desk over at work. The ladies are real understanding, one of them went out and bought a cute little cow toy. Stress reliever I thought for those really tough days. But, no that is not what it is for. The other day I got up from my seat and grabbed my little black bag and said I will be right back and then I heard it.. A moo coming from my desk area. On my seat when I came back was a little black and white cow. Now every time I get up that cute little cow goes MOO !!!! Now everyone knows where I am going and what I am doing. At least for another 4 months. I know I should be rejoicing in the fact that it is almost over. But he is my last and I want to enjoy every last bit of it. Or even bite of it. Soon he will be running around the house chasing and fighting with his siblings. Where or where does the time go?

Pains and heartbreak

Today I felt the pains and heartbreak of a working full time mom. I have been lucky out of my four children only one has cried while being dropped off at the sitters. This morning my heart broke as I had to leave my crying son this morning. While he was clinging to me desperately not wanting me to leave. It was a feeling that I never really thought about. Yes, it has always been hard to drop them off in the morning but till now not one of them really minded. We would go through the give me one more hug or one more kiss but I always knew when I left they would be fine. And I had little images of them waving out the door with smiles and thoughts of mom in their heads. Not today, it was a very awful feeling. Now, I know that just minutes after leaving the sobs quit and Evan was just fine. But the poor crying infant wanting his mom has been burned into my mind. As I work today I come back to that image, knowing that I will have to replay that moment again tomorrow and it makes me want to cry. But as a mother we do things that no one else wants to do or enjoys for the good the family. At this point in time, I will endure the pain and tears on my way to work daily until hopefully by chance that I will soon be able to stay at home with the ones that I love the most and the ones that drive me crazy the most. For them I do all things. This includes my loving husband who of course without him there would be none of this. I love them very much.