John in the ER on June 10-th 2005

FEAR

Here I am again. Wow it has been awhile. Things have been really crazy at the Gray household over the past month or so.

In the wee hours of morning on June 10th the morning of our daughters 10th birthday party/ sleep over the most terrifying thing happened. I woke up and noticed John was not in bed with me. I did not think too much about it because sometimes he has trouble sleeping and gets up or goes to the bathroom. I drifted off back to sleep. Again, I woke up and he was not back yet. In my hazy state not knowing if it had been 5 minutes or an hour but something told me this was not right. So I left Evan in bed (we have a family bed) and went to look for John. To my horror I found him face down passed out on the bathroom floor. Not knowing really what to do. All my safety and CPR training went out the door. I tried to wake him. Again fear gripped my when I could not get him to wake up. Now what, I had to get the baby because now he is up and crying. I am again at my husband’s side trying to bring him to. John, John can you hear me?? Several cries and tries he finally starts to make some noises. But I can not understand him he is slurring his words and not making any sense. Oh no has he had a stroke or heart attack? Do you know who I am? Do you know where you are? Nothing!! Again he slips in and out. Crying hysterically what do I do? Again I go to my husband’s side this time he is talking but still not making any sense then he says I feel like being sick. I get him to the bathroom sink and then to the bed. I run down stairs and get Joe up and ask him to help me. Quickly he says "Mom call 911 " So I do so, while I am on the phone Joe takes our cell phone and calls grandma and says get here quick. By this time John is waking up and making more sense except for he remembers nothing and wants to know what is going on. He also wants to go back to sleep not sure why I am so frantic. 911 operators say do not let him go to sleep. I go to check in the bathroom to check things out there and where he way laying on the floor is a pool of blood also in the sink he was sick in. Again fear has taken away any logical thinking I could have. Thank goodness the other girls did not hear any of this and are still sleeping. Joe is now outside waiting to flag down the ambulance drivers so that they do not miss the house. By this time John is up and asking what is going on. Oh and I forgot to mention that His face and shoulders look like he had been beaten with a baseball bat. His eyes were bloody red where the whites are suppose to be. I have never known fear like that ever in my entire life. We spent most of the day back and forth between home and the ER. He spent several days in Southwest where they transferred him from EMH. And a month later we still do not know what happened all tests seem to come back ok. He is still out of work and keeps trying to get better. Sometime during his fall he injured his shoulders and has not been able to raise them or hold anything over a pound. I am thankful that he is alive and doing well. I would really like to know what happened so that we can fix it. For a long time I was afraid to close my eyes knowing it could and can happen again. How long had he been laying there before I got up to check. He could have died. I just can’t imagine my life with out him. We have dreams of growing old together as all married couples do. I want to nag him until I am 100+ years.