Back to work.

Guess who went back to work on Monday? That's right John did. Can everyone say yea!! Well, after a long serious of tests, Dr. Appointments and a sleep study the answer is the same. "We don't really know, but this is what we think happened." John possibly had a blood clot in his heart which did not allow blood to circulate through which caused him to lose conscience's, from the fall he received a concussion. He does have a mild case of sleep apnea and will soon be receiving a sleeping machine. That ought to spice up our love life. !!! His shoulders are still a mess and cause him a great deal of pain. The doctors advice was to lose some weight and start exercising. If in fact is was a blood clot we are very lucky that he is still with us. Very scary. What prevents it to happen again? Nothing, because no one is sure what happened. I tend to over worry anyway this does not help. I think about it often. I wake up at night and sometimes can't breath in fear something is wrong, but I reach over and feel him next to me and can tell he is breathing just fine and then I can fall back to sleep. In our lives we go through a journey looking for that special person our soul mate and to come close to losing that person scares you to death. I can not imagine living without him even for a day. Sometimes I forget but I try to thank GOD everyday that we have each other because we all know there are no guarantees. So even though we argue I love him very much. I would like to take all his pain and carry that burden for him for the rest of my life. I often wonder what can I do? I have started changing his diet and I buy better foods that are in the house. I quit buying the twinkies and ho ho's. And of course love him .
So far he is doing just fine and it is almost Friday. !! Good Job honey.

Look who's walking !!

Little man is determined to be walking by his birthday which is the 23rd of this month. Can you believe it? Time sure does fly. This is a request for everyone reading this. Take the time to slow down and enjoy the moment because before you know it You'll be saying "remember when" Any way, Evan is trying so hard to walk. He sometimes forgets that he can't and just lets go of things. On Monday he took a total of 3 steps without any help from anyone. Logan said he took 3 because she was 3 and he was walking to her. Which she welcomed him with open arms and lots of kisses that he would have rather not received as he usually pushes her away. But that's alright because it does not stop her. She always showers him with kisses and hugs. Yesterday, he made 7 steps on his own. And Logan is so excited, she just can't wait. I believe she has big plans for the two of them. I call them my partners in crime. They already get into things, I can only imagine what it will be like when they both are completely mobile. The Gray household will never be the same. It is amazing all the things he has learned in the past year. Holding up his head, rolling over, sitting up, crawling and now walking. If only as adults we could put that much effort into doing things without giving up. Maybe that iswhy most of the things we learn are done in the first few years in life. When we get older we give up way to easy. With Evan's determination will be what gets him walking by August 23rd 2005. Isn't it amazing that such a little person can be part of your life for such a short amount of time that you can't imagine what it was before him or what it would be like with out him. But watching him as he looks at me with those big brown eyes full of sparkle that says MOM look what I can do and the look of satisfaction on his face as he walks to me and lands in my arms. I can not express the emotions that fill me at that moment. As an only child I could not imagine being able to have enough room in my heart to love so many and so much, but your heart just swells and takes it all in, so that it is ready to bust at any moment but then it finds more room some how. I know no matter how many children a person has whether it is one or fifty our hearts would be big enough for each and everyone.